The Shelves
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Map of The Shelves

The somewhat parallel vertical lines represent ladders.

Right Placement

What follows is a brief overview of the general geography within and atop incorporated The Shelves. We shall begin at the top, and make our way down.

The Top Shelf

The Top Shelf is a private estate in that it is off-limits to the public. This estate belongs to, and is the sole purvue of former Eternal Emperor, Malcolm. To the left of these grounds most glorious is farmland.

Third from the Bottom

On the right side of this mighty shelf is a temple. The Temple of the Semi-Infinite Light is the sole sanctioned worship hall of The Church of the Semi-Infinite Light. If you find yourself marvelling at a wonderous array of scintillating colors in the Mosque of the Semi-Infinite Light, you're in the wrong place.

To the left of the Temple of the Semi-Infinite Light is the headquarters of the The Shelves Military Police or the TSMP. They have a jail and a catapult and they're responsible for making everyone feel safe and secure. They are also in charge of protecting the The Shelves' populace. The TSMP headquarters has antennae and so it can be thought of as the nerve center of The Shelves.

Next to headquarters is a nice little park with a gazebo and a bench.

Second from the Top

This popular shelf boasts the Town Rectangle, which is like a town square, only rectangular. Many (four!) businesses are located around this rectangle. There is a delivery service, a vending emporium, and a massage parlor. It is a great place to live and shop. It makes up pretty much most of the left side of this shelf.

The right most side of this shelf houses the hospital. The rest of this particular shelf is known as The Stage/Gazebo. If TSMP headquarters can be thought of as the nerve center manipulating major muscle clusters in order to operate the collective bludgeoning arm, then The Stage/Gazebo might be thought of as the sensory nerve center. On Stage, not only are remarkably entertaining shows produced and broadcast, but other media, such as The Portable Bulletin Updated Fact Sheet are penned and propagated.

First from the Second

The right portion of the bottom-most inhabited shelf is the seat of government- literally! It is here that, according to official Church of the Semi-Infinite Light doctrine, The Throne of the Semi-Infinite Light cools the buttocks of Eternal Emperor W Hawk. Please note that the secular name for The Throne of the Semi-Infinite Light is The Eternal Book-Stop Chair.


Lower shelves are dangerous, unpredictable, and non-existent.

Off The Shelf

If one were to achieve the roof of Top Shelf, one could look out at the world beyond The Shelves and find it wanting. Below is what one would see. Please note all relative directions below are assuming one is facing away from The Shelves while all those above assume one is facing The Shelves.

The Right

To the right one may gaze upon the wild splendor of The Tablelands- a crazy place that no one wants to go to. Beyond The Tablelands is the natural wonder of Winter's Mount. No one wants to go here either as it's probably as crazy as The Tablelands- despite the probable plethora of resources it is likely rife with. The mountain is somewhat shelf-like, but more hodgepodglian and old.

Beyond the above savage vista is hangs The Mysterious Curtain- an astronomical body sometimes similar, but usually not, to The Great Shade. Sometimes, at night, it shifts and emits a harsh light. Sometimes, also at night, it shifts yet emits nothing.

The Left

To the left, one can see shapes hinting at some large incomplete structure immediately adjacent to The Shelves. Unfortunately, a fuller view is blocked by a miasma of rancorous color.

Beyond whatever that is The Great Shade; the raising and lowering of which creates the twin phenomena of day and night.


Facing The Shelves in the distance is an odd jutting. On what sort of jutting this is, there is no official word. And yet, there are rumors...

Behind and Below

Below churns a great ocean. Behind The Shelves there is a deep narrow crevase who's bottom is water.