Secret Meals

"Savor The Mystery"

Staff Menu Welcome The Shelves

Darren PD

Yes, THE Darren PD, star of THE hit show Darren PD and The Firefighter is a frequent customer. Yes, sometimes he is dining with his rumored girlfriend and co-star, Judith Light. No, that's not the only woman he brings to dinner. Judging by his eating habits, Darren PD is a mover. Different women every night and, judging by the sexy banter that accompanies the meal, they're not "just friends." Which might explain why Darren PD doesn't bring The Firefighter to dinner, or any other man for that matter. Perhaps Darren PD doesn't dine with "just friends."

Herben Fisher

This quiet man might go unnoticed despite his regularity if not for two very interesting facts. One, he is always running for the Eternal Emperorship and, thus, is something of a B list celebrity. Two, he never dines alone. This second fact in and of itself is not unusual, but Herben Fisher keeps a particular kind of company when he dines. Those with whom he eats have faces hidden, always, within a mask.

They speak in tones so quiet with lips occluded so as to seem not to be speaking at all. All the while, Herben's neck, covered by his hand, is turning, while his eyes scan the surroundings he must know so well. Herben always orders, but he never eats. Rather, for every bite his companion places beneath the mask, Herben places an equal portion into a take-home container.

Herben Fisher is a polite, well-mannered guest and a decent tipper. His presence, regardless the company, seems to fit the place. More than any other customer, Herben Fisher belongs at Secret Meals.

Denny Tsunami

Denny Tsunami is a lonely bear. He comes to Secret Meals every six days and he always comes alone. He seems to enjoy his food- he has plenty to say on the topic- but his visit is dominated by attempts at conversation with the staff. He'll even attempt to engage with Secret Server M whenever he is midswoop with some plate or beverage.

Denny Tsunami enjoys trying new dishes when prompted, but otherwise will stick to the same three items- The Hurting Salad, Sopa Christophoros, and Sandwich of the East and West. He does not appreciate spice.

Just Matty

Just Matty is a strange character with a small bladder. Sometimes she comes in just to use the bathroom. If she does stay, she only eats about half the time, and then, only half a portion of The Hurting Salad or Bread Pudding del Vigilante Ocultado. Otherwise, she will order only beverages. Which isn't entirely bad; there's a good profit margin on beverages- just odd.

During her visits, she often wanders from her table, looking for the bathroom. She has been seen, on many occasions, paying particular interest to Darren PD. Sometimes she will linger behind a plant in view of the man and play with the leaves. They have not, however, yet been observed to engage.

Sheila Bobyk

Sheila Bobyk, the manager's older sister, is The Shelves' one and only medical doctor. She's quite able to deal with a variety of maladies; stomach pains, nausea, food poisoning, etc. As a service to the public, whenever someone comes in with an illness, we send them her way. Then, within a few days, she'll show up for a meal, eat on the house, and leave a very generous tip.

Sheila is an accomplished flower arranger. Sometimes she'll drop by, and rather than enjoy a complimentary meal, we will be fortunate to receive a bouquet or a potted plant. They are always tasteful and add a special bit of color to the place.

Detective Grace Auburn

Here's what Detective Grace Auburn does. She comes in, sits down, and orders something like a cup of tea. Then she'll sit and take a sip of her tea once every 15 minutes or so. The rest of the time, she just sits, usually with her eyes closed. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't bother anyone. She just sits there. It's unnerving.


Boltor works for the Eternal Emperor, W Hawk, that much is obvious. He will talk loud and long about that fact with whoever he's treating to dinner on a given day. In exchange for a free meal, his guests must endure a lecture on government.

Boltor always orders Gate of Men and a stiff drink. He generally tries to order for his guest, as well, unless they are very assertive about ordering for theirself. There are three different things he tries to order for his guest. For a woman, he always orders The Hurting Salad. If he is dining with a stronger man, he encourages him to order Gate of Men. Anyone else, he orders Picadillo no Septitas Vestule. He will always encourage his dining partner to drink. If they do not get what he ordered, he will make loud comments on the subject throughout the meal.