The Shelves

The Shelves Military Police

The The Shelves Military Police, or TSMP, is responsible not only for protecting The Shelves from external assault, but also for ensuring those within follow the law. Thus, the TSMP acts as both a militia and a police force.

Military Aspects

The apparent absence of other cohesive city-states minimizes the externalizing military aspects of the TSMP. However, occasionally a rogue creature comes up from The Tablelands or the lower shelves, and it is up to the TSMP to defend the city. Commander POW! (see below) is responsible for all military aspects of the TSMP.

Police Aspects

As aforementioned, the TSMP is responsible for ensuring that shelf-dwellers follow the law as proclaimed by The Eternal Emperor. Although it is not a formal law, the TSMP is also assumed to be charged with the protection of The Eternal Emperor as well. Commandant Drumthumb (again, below) is the organizer of the policing duties of the TSMP.


W Hawk

W Hawk

Although practically not a member of the TSMP, W Hawk is at the top of the command chain and what he says goes. So far, he hasn't said too much, although one day during training, he came in wearing a uniform, smiled, and gave everyone the thumbs up. It did wonders for morale.

Commander POW!

Commander POW!

Commander POW! Has been in charge of all military maneuvers for a long long time. He is a trusted veteran who, despite his dynamic name, is pretty quiet most of the time. He spends much of his time either flying around patroling the outside of The Shelves or, lately, in conference with Commandant Drumthumb.

He doesn't normally give orders unless he feels there is a threat he can't handle alone.

Commandant Drumthumb

Commandant Drumthumb

Commandant Drumthumb is presumably the hard-ass new commander of the police aspect of the TSMP. Appointed to the job by W Hawk when he took power, Drumthumb is new to the TSMP and has yet to do much outside of his office. Despite his lack of a hands-on approach to policing, he is quite handsome.


R. P. D.

Super cop, RPD. Action cop, RPD. Former coordinator of all the TSMP's policing activity, RPD. RPD lost her job when W Hawk took over, but, in practice, she's still the go to girl for advice, and is still expected to take care of any less interesting reports which come in.

Not only is RPD a cop's cop, but did you know that she is the older sister of television sensation Darren PD of "Darren PD and the Firefighter" fame?

Detective Grace Auburn

Grace Auburn

Detective Grace Auburn has more than just a pretty face and great fashion sense. She also has curiosity and the courage to ask the tough questions. Although not very adept at standard beat work, Detective Auburn is one of the best investigators the TSMP has. She's also kind of mysterious, what with the hat and all.



Scoliosis is a "strong" member of the force, literally! With his cool shades, and cooler demeanor, Scoliosis makes criminals think twice about being themselves. With a neatly trimmed beard, and a body that just won't quit, Scoliosis has the look, and the moves, to make being good seem badass.



Some time ago, Oboe and his partner Hollow crashed their interstellar space-cop cruiser into The Shelves. To assuage their guilt at the damage their ship caused, and because they were stuck here anyway, they both signed on with the TSMP.

Oboe has been a welcome addition to the force. Although not the brightest of officers, he makes up for his lack of thinking power with a knack for policing coupled with an enthusiasm and honesty that can't be beat; especially not when Oboe's on the beat!



Some time ago, Hollow and his partner Oboe crashed their interstellar space-cop cruiser into The Shelves. To assuage their guilt at the damage their ship caused, and because they were stuck here anyway, they both signed on with the TSMP.

If Hollow and Oboe are considered a partnership, then Hollow could be thought of as the silent partner. The guy doesn't talk! It's probably because he's an alien or something. He also seems to maybe be good with machines, although he's really gooey.

A. The Rookie Gordon

A "The Rookie" Gordon

A Gordon is called "The Rookie" for a very good reason- he's the newest member of the TSMP! So green is this "The Rookie;" he hasn't even been on assignment yet! Instead, he's spent the entirety of his time in Commandant Drumthumb's office purportedly training.

The Station

TSMP headquarters has a very basic layout. There is a main room which has desks with computers, a bulletin board, and the central communication system. It also boasts a coffee maker, vending machine, and a drinking fountain.

Adjoining it shelfward are the officer's cubbies and holding cells. TSMP cubbies are standard The Shelves cubbies with harder beds and a CB radio unit. Holding cells are similar to officer cubbies sans the electronics. Unlike officer cubbies, holding cells lock from the outside.


To the east of the main room is the catapult room (lower right of left-hand picture.) The catapult is supposedly used on especially harsh criminals, although it hasn't been utilized in recent memory. It's supposed to send a prisoner to an island prison somewhere across the ocean, but no officer has taken the trip to find out (returning would be difficult.)

To ensure that dangerous criminals do not receive any assistance via the catapult, it is guarded at all hours by a robot. Pretty good, huh?